Not coming home
by Sjannie
Summary: Annie wakes up and now there is only one way out.


**Not coming home**

**I do not own Attack on titan.**

It is dark. The only light comes from a torch in a corner far away from her. No light of the moon. She is underground. At least that is what she thinks and that is the most logical assumption.

_It hurts..._

She is chained to the wall. She doesn't try to escape anymore. It won't work, she isn't able to get away. Her nails are gone. All of them except those of het thumbs. They are going to do those two tomorrow.

_They tortured her..._

They tortured her for information. It started right the moment she woke up. Het crystal shell was broken. Directly she was taken to this place. The people kicked her. Slapped her. Screamed at her. Swore at her. Then the captain Levi and another woman came to her. She was scared of Levi. Because of what he said to her when she was in titan form. But right now she knew she couldn't escape. She was to weak from being crystallised. It was also because her body is broken because of the torture and she doesn't have any strength. Every day they ask her questions.

_What are you?_

_How did you get this power?_

_Why did you try to capture Eren?_

_What do you know about the titans?_

_Why did you break the wall?_

_Why did you kill all those people?_

_Where is your village?_

_What do you know about the walls?_

She never answered any of them. Because of that she got tortured but still even if she cried tears of blood she wouldn't tell them anything. First she tried not to cry, not to let them hear her scream. She wouldn't give them the pleasure. But she just couldn't bear the pain. But she wouldn't beg them to stop. They often threatened to kill her but she knew they wouldn't. Otherwise they would have done that much earlier. They needed her, well they wanted the information they thought she had. Did she had the information? Of course she knew something but not everything. They are fools if they think she knows everything. She was just a little girl when she got send to destroy the walls together with Reiner and Berthold.

_Reiner and Berthold._

Not once had they mentioned their names. But she knew they must have figured it out. That is because they never asked about who the armoured titan and the colossus were. She hoped they escaped and were still alive. She didn't ask about them. They wouldn't answer anyway. Every day they would come in and ask her questions. If she didn't answer she would be tortured. She was in hell. Sometimes they would give her food, if you can call it that. Of course Annie didn't eat it. But they _forced_ her to eat it. With each day passing by the will to fight them got less and less. The pain was so great. They didn't only hurt her body. They tried to break her spirit. Each day they would tell her what kind of monster she was. How could she kill all those people? The children who had parents, loved ones. What kind of beast would do something like that. And they would talk about how she had hurt them. Were they nothing to her? The people with who she had trained three years? Didn't she feel anything? She tried to have a neutral expression but yesterday she broke down crying.

And you know what they said?

''You don't have the right.''

And then they left her, bleeding and crying.

_Guess this is what I deserve..._

_This is what she deserves... no.. more she needs to suffer more...death isn't enough. She should suffer for eternity. _

This is what they all think. They don't understand. No, that's not true. They can't understand. That's because they think differently. They grew up differently. Different things are important to them. She and them want to protect different things. They never even tried to think like her. For her reason. They wouldn't even care.

The truth is, she didn't want to kill them but she had no other choice. She had to. It was the only way her people could live. It was for her people. To protect her people, her father. But they wouldn't understand. They don't know her people so they won't care. They only care about themselves. That is how it is. It is you or them. Us or them. You have to pick a side. She really felt sorry. She really hated herself when she saw what destruction she had caused. When she saw Mina's body on the street. But it was her mission she didn't have any other choice.

She hated it. She hated what had happened.

_Why? Why did it had to happen? Why her?_

She hated it. Why didn't it go like it was supposed to. She was never lucky. Why did Berwick have to get eaten? If it wasn't for that titan she would still be home with her father. But no Berwick got eaten and she had to go with Reiner and Berthold. She hated her father for doing_ that_ to her. But she also loves him. Because he cared about her, he loves her and he was sorry. And she knew he meant it. But still why did he have to do it? Why did the three of them have to go? They were still so young...

But even if she might still hold a grudge against her father, she still loves him and wants to go back to him, to go home.

Even if she had to make the whole word her enemy. Even if they were. Her father would always be on her side. She wanted to go home but it was hopeless.

They called her a traitor. But she never was on their side she was no traitor. Not once did she ever answered their questions. She is a spy. She failed to be a warrior and now she had to pay.

In the time that she was captured here and people got word that she was awake, they came seeking answers.

Eren came and demanded answers.

She didn't give any

_Why , why?_

Was the only thing they could ask.

Sometimes a _how?_

Armin also came...

_Why Annie? Why didn't you kill me?_

Jean also came...

_Did you kill Marco? Answer me..._

Connie followed him.

_Did you know the titans were humans?_

_Annie... Annie. Why? Why?_

_Why did you do it?_

_How could you bring yourself to do that?_

_What kind of monster are you?_

She was becoming crazy because of them. She just wanted it all to end. The pain, the guilt. The sorrow. First she wanted to survive but now... she just wanted everything to stop. Death was better than this.

She failed to become a warrior, she hopes Reiner and Berthold were alive and could accomplish the mission. She hoped her father would forgive her for not Being able to come home.

The reason why she led Armin live?

Killing persons you don't know is a lot easier.

Did she kill Marco?

No, she just found a titan eating him and was too late to save him. She killed the titan and took his three dimensional maneuver gear, just in case she needed it.

Did she know the titans were humans once?

Yes, so you know it to? Her father had told together with rest. But she still expected that he hadn't told her everything. But maybe that was for the best. To protect her. But now at least you know that you have also killed humans. Of course you do not feel sad about killing the titans. They are not like you anyway. They are different.

Why, why Annie?

For her people, it was her mission. Not that you would understand.

Maybe if you knew everything, but then still you wouldn't take her side. Of course you wouldn't, you think differently because you want different thinks.

Her only regret is not being able to accomplish her mission, no what she regrets the most is not being able to come home. But she can't take it for much longer, neither does she want to be a traitor. Even if she told them what she knew, they would just kill her on the spot after they got the information they wanted. She knew this no matter what they said. She would never be able to come home. It would be for the best to just end it all.

They only come by to look at her if she wasn't trying to escape, how could she? She was chained to the wall, her body and spirit was broken. She couldn't move and was too weak to turn into a titan. They had made sure of that. She also didn't have anything to kill herself with, She was wearing something in her mouth so she also couldn't bite her tongue off. But one thing they forgot.

She would end it, this was the end

I'm sorry dad, I won't be able to come home.

I'm sorry that I couldn't accomplish the mission.

Sorry that you had to die.. there wasn't really any other way.

I really, really liked hanging out with you guys and training together.

But in the end we are different.

She ten closes her eyes, a tear rolls on her cheeks

And she stops with breathing.

If I don't get air I will die, If I don't breath I won't get air.

It was hard but she was determent. She would not sell out her comrades, her people. She would not wait to get killed and treated like a beast, not even that. Maybe she was not human like them. But they were not like her and her people and what does being human even mean? What makes you human and who can decide that? They don't feel sorry for killing a fly, the animals. Isn't that cruel?

Why? Because they are not the same . They don't think they have to same rights as them. They think they are worth more. Is that right? Is that true is? Is that justice?

You protect what you want to protect but she wants to protect what she wants to protect.

Maybe in the end we're not that different. But you can't look at things in another way. Because that is who you are, you can't change that.

Are there really people who are pure evil?

No

This is the end for me, is this justice? For you? Yes. for me? My loved once ? No.

The circle of revenge will continue and no the story is far from over.

But for me this is the end and maybe it is better like this.

''I am sorry father, I am not coming home.''

The tear falls on the ground and Annie's head falls to the side on her shoulder. It is quiet and dark in the room.

* * *

The next morning they discover the body of Annie.

No answers.

Nothing gained.

Except a death.

Things they will never understand.

Things they would never know.

Is this justice?

Was this the right way?

It is just unfair.

But that is how this world is.

The weak die, the strong survives...

This is a cruel world.


End file.
